SECURING YOUR BANANA...
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◆ proceeds help primate sanctuary charities ◆ the banana case is just a thank-you ◆
Buy a banana case. Help monkeys.
You buy it. I donate the proceeds. The case ships to your door.
You buy the case · I donate the proceeds to Fauna Foundation · ships to your door
No asterisks needed. Well, a few.
Proceeds
help primate sanctuary charities*
*after Stripe’s processing fee and postage. both are real costs. I keep none of it.
3D printed
made on a home printer, one at a time, by an actual human who cares**
**layer lines are visible. this is a feature of the medium. the monkeys don’t mind.
It works
banana arrives unbruised. we’ve tested it. repeatedly. on real bananas.***
***testing involved putting a banana in it and going about our day. results: banana fine.
Handmade
finished by hand, packaged by hand, shipped by a person who thanks you****
****genuinely. thank you. this is a weird little project and you’re making it real.
Real
real charities, real receipts, real primates who will never know you helped them*****
*****we tried to tell them. the sanctuary says they appreciate it. the monkeys are unaware.
1 banana
that’s all we protect. just one banana at a time. that’s the whole product.******
******we feel good about this. you should too.
THE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT PART
The Banana Vessel is a real product, 3D printed by a real person and shipped to your door. Every sale proceeds to Fauna Foundation after Stripe’s payment processing fee and postage are deducted — both are unavoidable costs of doing this, not profit. I make nothing on this. It does genuinely protect bananas. The layer lines are a normal feature of FDM 3D printing and do not affect banana protection capability. I am proud of this weird little project.
3D Printed
Made on a home FDM printer. You can see the layers. That’s just how it is. It’s kind of charming.
Fits a Banana
We shaped it around a banana. It fits a banana. This is the whole engineering brief and we nailed it.
Help Monkeys
Proceeds support primate sanctuaries. We genuinely make nothing. This is the point.
Ships to You
Printed, finished by hand, and mailed to your door. By a person. Who is grateful you exist.
monkeys — with every purchase
Here’s the deal: I 3D print banana cases. I sell them. The proceeds go to accredited primate sanctuary charities. I don’t keep any of it. You buy a banana case — I donate what’s left after Stripe and postage.
The banana case is real. It works. It’s a little rough around the edges because it’s 3D printed on a home machine. But it does the job, the monkeys get the money, and you pay nothing extra to get it to your door. That’s the whole thing.
Stripe’s payment processing fee (~2.9% + 30¢) and postage are deducted before the donation — both are real costs, not profit. What’s left goes to Fauna Foundation. Charities are vetted and rotate annually. No monkeys endorsed this. They don’t know we exist. That’s fine.
You buy it. I donate the proceeds to Fauna Foundation. Ships to your door.
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Small games and monkey facts for banana-loving tiny humans.
Primate Fact
We’re fetching a fact from the Banana Vessel primate vault.
Please hold while the jungle librarian looks something up.
Memory Match
Match all the monkey cards. Two at a time.
Monkey Joke
Why did the monkey bring a ladder?Because the bananas were on the top shelf.
★★★★★
“I bought it knowing it was going to charity. The banana case was a surprise bonus. You can see the print lines. I love it actually.”
— C. Ritter, Ohio
Chad’s banana has not been bruised since. He considers this a spiritual development.
“I just wanted to give to a primate charity and this was a much more fun way to do it than clicking a donate button. Also my banana is fine.”
— D. Whitmore, Florida
Banana Vessel is not a donation platform. It is a banana case that is also a donation platform.
“It’s a little rough. A bit wobbly. But it holds a banana and the money goes somewhere good. That’s more than I can say for most things I’ve bought.”
— G. Thornton, Michigan
Greg’s Extreme XL fits his plantains. This was not the intended use. It works anyway.
★★★★☆
“Four stars because I think the monkeys deserve five. The case is great. One star deducted as a statement about income inequality among primates.”
— Anonymous, BC Canada
We respect this review. The monkeys, were they aware of it, might also.
If your case arrives damaged or completely fails to hold a banana, we will make you another one and send it.We cannot replace the banana. We can replace the case. One of those is plastic. You know which one.
Answers to things people ask. And things we assume they’re thinking.
Yes. Genuinely, actually yes. I 3D print banana cases on a home printer, pack them by hand, and mail them to you. You will receive a physical object in the post. It will hold a banana. This is real.
Yes. Every sale goes to Fauna Foundation, a chimpanzee sanctuary in Quebec. Stripe’s processing fee and postage are deducted first — those are real unavoidable costs. Everything left goes to the monkeys. I make nothing on this. I am doing it because I like primates and thought a banana case was a funny hook.
Stripe takes a small processing fee (~2.9% + 30¢) before money reaches me — that’s just how card payments work and there’s nothing I can do about it. Everything else goes to the monkeys.
I’ll post a running donation log on this site — monthly totals, the charity receipt from CanadaHelps, and the date it was sent. It will be boring and specific and that is the point. If I ever stop updating it, you are allowed to email me and ask what happened.
It doesn’t, strictly speaking. Bananas have been traveling unprotected for thousands of years and largely doing fine. But they do bruise in bags, and a bruised banana, while nutritionally identical, is a sad banana. If you eat lunch at a desk, you know.
Also this entire project exists because I needed a reason to 3D print something. The charity part is the part I actually care about.
We have three sizes: Standard (most bananas), Pro Armor (for slightly larger or more anxious bananas), and Extreme XL (plantains, large bananas, or people who just want to donate more). If you’re genuinely unsure, go one size up. The extra space is not a problem. The banana will adjust.
Those are layer lines. They’re a normal and expected feature of FDM 3D printing — the same process used in medical devices, aerospace prototyping, and hobbyist projects of varying ambition. The case is printed layer by layer. You can see the layers. This is not a defect. It is the aesthetic of something made by a machine in someone’s house specifically for your banana.
I print each case after you order. Canada Post estimates 3–7 business days depending on where you are. Realistically, give it a week. Your banana is worth the wait. If it’s been two weeks and nothing has arrived, email me.
If the case arrives broken or clearly defective, I will reprint and reship it. If you just changed your mind about banana protection, I sympathize, but the donation has already been earmarked for primates and the case is already printed, so we’re going to have to call it a charitable contribution and move on.
Bananas. Monkeys. It was right there. I’m not going to pretend it was a more complicated decision than that.
Fauna Foundation in particular is a really good organization — they take in chimpanzees who have been retired from research labs and entertainment and give them a permanent home. It’s serious, underfunded work and your banana case goes directly toward it.